Sufjan Stevens - john my beloved live, 2015

"After listening to Carrie and Lowell dozens of times now, I've determined that the song John My Beloved perplexes me more than any other. Some people say it's about his lover, others say it's about his mother. I don't think it's about either. The song is full of biblical references and I think the song is about Sufjan's struggle to maintain his relationship with Jesus after his mother's death. "Beloved of John" is clearly addressing Jesus, since John was one of Jesus's favorite and most devoted disciples. Sufjan is saying that he made a mistake for reading the bible only as "some kind of poem." Later in the verse he asks if the "fossils" he finds have any life on their own. I think he is asking if the people who have passed away in his life still have any life of if they are just fossils. In the first chorus, he asks Jesus to "pretend" to listen to his "greedy demands" and then realized that he is dead without Jesus. In the second verse, he continues to struggle with the rejection of Jesus and trying to deal with things on his own. The story of Icarus is referenced, and correct me if I'm wrong but I believe this is the story where the boy flies to close to the sun and melts his wings thus falling to his death. He asks, "lord hear my prayer" but immediately follows this request with a line that communicates he feels he has wasted his time doing so. He then asks "can we be friends" in the following chorus saying that the world is just broken and lonely. The "tongue on your chest" line has always thrown me for a loop and I'm interested to hear some of your thoughts on it, but I think it means that he is trying to taste the love of Jesus, but frozen and holding his breath at the same time. "Kiss on my cheek" sounds like a reference to the way Judas betrayed Jesus, symbolizing the fact that Sufjan too betrayed him at times. But now in his life there only remains a mark reminding him of what he did. At the end of that verse he says "my fossil is bright in the sun" showing that he is still saved by the light of Jesus. Finally he "contends" that he needs Jesus in the last chorus saying that even though he feels dead God is there to save him when "fossils fall on his head." The death of his mother certainly hit him hard but he knows that the love and light of Jesus is still there to protect him."